Now I've made so many horrible desicions towards my social life, love life, family and friends that I would descripe myself a pain in ass to deal with. Majority of the time I dont even think or bother to think about how or what I say or do might even effect the people around me and frustrates me sooo much because I care how people feel and it just kills me to find out like 5 hours latr of my actions.
Okay another example of my simple mind. I finally start to like someone but I dont think at all I should be involved with this girl in that sort of way. Just a close friend that would hang out and support when she might already liek someone else. I go to a night market and buy this bouquet for her becuz I was drawn to the description she had posted. Without thinking (as usual) I bought $35 worth of it. Now here's the thing. At most she see's me as a "brother figure" I suppose and doing this brain shotting kind of thing just pisses me off on what the hell am I doing? I had supposingly decided that i would just support her for the person she likes but my urge for her attention has to take over. Chance of ruining my current relationship is on high scale right now so im in a slump about this. So action for now? Im just going to stock this bouquet somewhere in my house until I can find away to deal with it -.-
For those that want to know what the bouquet that Im going to store away somewhere looks like.
Noting something about me wanting attention, Im going to name soem features about that seem really dislikeable and some reasons to back it up. Last year I had a slight problem with wanting "attention" and im glad one of my friend pointed this out to me because it caused a little arguement that hurt us both. I also want to apologize to this friend of mine that we ended up sleeping over at her house one day and her mom had to deal with the trouble of guys sleeping over at a girls house >< Im really srry about that we were not in our right minds and I truely didnt want to trouble your mom ): So 1-2 year ago there was alot of drama between my friends and my first girlfriend. My girlfriend wasnt actual into this relationship thing, I just some how changed her mind to go out with me. Yee well being in your first relationship one would say you would want the other one's attention, but she didnt like to give alot of that and thats how my urge for attention started -.- because of my first relationship I pushed them away abit and when my girlfriend didnt want to give much attention I went back to my friends and screwed up even more. I also want to apologize to my friends for being a jerk sometimes usual because Im tired, frustrated or stressed I ended up spouting nonsense about one thing ot another. I would say alot more about my bad points but that would involve a whole different issues with family problems which I probably wont ever feel like talking about.
So here I am jobless, dissappointed in myself, dumb founded and tired.
